Am I Raising A Pig or A Daughter?!?

So Kaiya went in today for her 9 month check up. I can't believe she is three months away from being one. Since she was born she's been dropping in her growth percentile. If you don't know how they measure their growth, I'll explain really quick. The doctor has a chart and on it is a bunch of curves. They measure height and weight and age and plot it on this chart. They do this at each visit and as long as your baby stays pretty consistent there is usually no worry. So when Kaiya was born, she was normal. I think she was in the 25th percentile, meaning 75% of babies in the US were larger than her. Finally a small baby since the other two were in the 80th percentile (I blame the formula). Well since her first visit, she's been dropping. 15th percentile, then 10th, now she's in the bottom 5th. This is a concern because she keeps dropping, she's not staying on a consistent curve. So her doctor (whom I love) told me I need to be feeding her more. Basically three meals, three snacks a day plus nursing. I also need to just keep feeding her until she is done, not stop when I think she should be full. Makes sense. So dinner tonight was pretty interesting. It took 10 minutes of nursing, 1/2 a banana, 2 small zucchini, 1 piece of bread, 1 mango, and 5 spoonfuls of oatmeal to fill this girl up. It also took 35 minutes to feed her because I would make her something and it wouldn't fill her up so I would have to make her something else. And this was one meal. I think my grocery bill just doubled.

A Sad Moment

This is my battle (one of many)- how protective is too protective? Where is the line? You see stories everyday in the news about kids being hurt, kidnapped, molested, killed and you think, could that have been my kid? But even on a smaller scale, you see a kid get hurt and think, that could have been my kid. How do you know when to step in and redirect an activity (like playing too rough) and when do you just let things go? How do you know what things will lead to them getting hurt and what won't? I have a friend who's little girl fell off of some playground equipment, broke her arms and had to have surgery and three pins put in. Just a simple fall from somewhere where our kids are very frequently. Sometimes I feel like wrapping my kids up in plastic bubble wrap and foam so they won't ever get hurt. Would life be better for them if they never got hurt? I don't think it would but it sure would be a lot easier on me. I know that I hurt just as much as they do. They may hurt on the outside but long after they have healed, I still feel the pain. Even now, after my little boy's in bed, all bandaged up and asleep, I feel the pain of him falling down. I can see it happening over and over and I hurt every time. If only I had told him to stop or slow down. If only I had trusted my gut and redirected the activites. If only I had just been a little more protective, maybe he wouldn't be hurting. I think as a mom we feel our childs pain more deeply than even they do. They are an extension of ourselves. We carried them for nine months, fed them, held them when they cried at 2am. How could we not feel deeply when they are sad or happy or angry? So where's the line? When should I step in and be the overprotective mama bear and when should I just let kids be kids? I don't know if I'll ever know.

The Truth About Cloth Diapers

I am here to tell you something no one else will, the real truth about cloth diapers. Get on any cloth diaper site and you'll see tons of positive reasons to do cloth. Save the environment, save money. These sounded like such great reasons so I decided to CD (cloth diaper). So I got on the internet and started researching different kinds of cloth diapers. There are at least 4 different kinds of CD. I decided to go with prefolds and covers because anything else was over $300 for a days worth of diapers. So I got the prefolds in the mail. I washed them 4 times in hot water just like they told me to. As I go to put them on my newborn I find that not only does the prefold swallow her entire bottom half but the cover I bought won't fit over it. And then there's this clever little thing called the snappi. Yeah, I'm not even going there. Safe to say, it didn't work how the cute little tutorial said it would. After all this trouble I went ahead and left her in it (after trying dozens of different ways of putting it on her) and surprise suprise...it leaked. So I washed it and left in the back of the closet with the rest of them. Fast forward a few months and I was telling someone I still wanted to do cloth diapering but I didn't know which ones to spend her college fund on and she said that her little girl had outgrown her pocket diapers (basically a cover with a pocket for an insert) and I could have them. Free is an excellent price so I took them. Three months later I'm standing over the toilet, scraping the gunkiest poop I've ever seen off the inside of the diaper with a plastic knife (b/c someone told me this was a good way to get it off) cursing the day I got the idea in my head that cloth diapers were anything but the biggest headache ever. As if I don't have enough to do with breast-feeding, homeschooling, caring for 3 kids, running a house, I also have to do an extra load of diapers everyday. And it's not just as simple as throwing them in the washer. First you have to dump off any solid stuff in the toilet. Sounds easy enough unless it's not solid but a little goopey. Then you scrape it off with lots of toilet paper (and a plastic knife). And if that doesn't work you soak them in a bucket of water which you then have to dump out somewhere and then disinfect the bucket and then make sure that the kids don't think it's a water toy and proceed to use it to fill their pool with...yeah, that happened. Secondly, you have to pull out the insert which if I didn't do this when I changed the diaper, is now cold and smells even worse. I didn't know this before but when pee dries it has the ability to knock over a grown man with just one whiff, no joke. Then I have to count to make sure I have all of them, if not, I have to run all over the house searching for that one diapers that I changed and left. Then that room stinks for hours after. Then if you don't use the exact amount of soap (which no website can tell you what it is) or the right kind of soap (which again varies greatly between websites) your diapers are liable to get a build up of stuff that not only decreases the absorption but also makes it smell like you just dried out the diapers and used them again skipping the washing step altogether. So if this happens you are suppose to run them through hot washes until they don't smell anymore which I have to tell you is more than 6 times because that's when I finally decided that it was not more cost effecient if my electricity and water bill equalled a house payment. Then to get the maximum benifit you have to hang them outside on the line to sun-dry. Not only does it have to be sunny to do this but it helps if there isn't a fire somewhere off in the distance b/c anything within a 20 miles radius is going to be absorbed into those diapers and you'll smell it for the next three washes. Then you have to actually remember that the diapers are outside otherwise you go to change the baby and after you've already taken off the dirty diaper realize that the clean ones are still outside. So with lightening quick speed you pick up the half naked baby, run outside, grab a diaper and quickly wrap it around her. But if you don't do this fast enough she's liable to pee on herself and you in which case she then needs a bath, a change of clothes and another diaper. So all this to tell you that, cloth diapering is not easier, it's not less smelly, it's not less work. In fact, you will spend most of your free time doing something that involves a diaper. However I have to say the feeling of pride I get when I wash my diapers instead of throwing them away to sit in a landfill for hundreds of years, well that almost makes it worth it......almost. Oh, that and statistically cloth diapered babies potty train at least 6 months before disposable diaper babies. So just remember, if you're thinking of cloth diapering, take a good inventory or your sanity. If you have enough, give cloth diapers a try and just think how cute those cushioned little tooshes look in a cloth diaper. :)

I Am Woman Hear Me Roar!!!

So this was just too funny to not blog about. And I don't mean like funny-haha. I mean like funny-shoot-something-when-you're-done. So, ever looked at something you needed to do and thought, "Yeah, I can do this. No sweat." Well that's how this started. I am barbequing tomorrow without Andy's help. No sweat. However, we don't have a grill so I had to buy one. I bought one of the cheap $35 grills from WalMart because well, it looked easy to assemble and it was cheap. I bought it yesterday hoping Andy would be able to put it together before he left today (he has something at the church tonight til late and all day tomorrow). However as Andy left this afternoon, the grill was still in the box. Well, that meant I had to do it. I looked at the box and thought, "If he could do it, so can I." That was my first mistake, cockiness. Andy is a handy-man, jack-of-all-trades, including grill putting togethering. I am not. So I open the box, reach in and cut myself on the instructions. It was not pleasant but hey, it's a papercut. I should have taken it as a warning. So I read the instructions. 8 steps, no problem. Pull out all the parts. As an added bonus they labeled every part with a letter so that dummies like me wouldn't screw it up. Step 1- return policy-blah blah blah. Step 2- Attach handle and air vent. Easy as pie (however I won't find out til later but I forgot to put washers on the screws before putting them in) Time- 7 minutes. Step 3- attach bottom air vents. First, I screwed them in the wrong holes, then found the right holes and put them on backwards. In all- 10 minutes. Step 4- Attach legs, wheels, and bottom grid. This is where the cussing started. I won't go into detail (because we'd be here a loooong time) but it's safe to say that screwing four legs to the the bottom grid, then positioning the bottom of the grill on them and screwing that in place is a two maybe three person job. I did it by myself. Time- at least 20 minutes. Step 5- Attach side shelf. This is one of the reasons I got this grill. It has a handy little shelf beside it to put stuff on. Very handy. Had I known that it was an evil shelf who's only purpose was to make you wonder why you even bought the darn grill in the first place, I would have thrown the shelf over the fence and skipped this step. Time it took me to attach this handy little piece of crap with Terhan's help- 20 minutes (thank goodness for Terhan. He actually did help me). Step 6- attach lid (which I cut myself on when I grabbed for it) and step 7- insert warming rack. I read these two steps backwards and for 5 minutes was trying to hold the lid with my hand and my head and attach the warming rack with my other hand and then get it all to stay while I put the tiny screws in the tiny holes (which by the way, they put a little bit of oil on the screws to lube them up and I figured this out when I put them in my mouth to hold them). So when I finally figured out the lid screws on first THEN the warming tray goes in, it all came together. Time (including the 5 I wasted) 15 minutes. Step 8- Insert charcoal tray and cooking grid. Yeah this took all of about 1 minute. This is where I found out I had forgotten the washers to the handle. Fixing that mistake- another 5 minutes. And all this is happening while the sun in going down, Kaiya is fussing to go to bed, the kids are playing in the water, then getting cold and wanting to go inside and eat a snack. BUT I got it put together. One hour and 27 minutes, 3 broken nails, two cuts, 8 mosquito bites, an oily mouth, itchy arms and legs(from sitting in the grass), 18 cuss words and 18 forgive-me-Lords later, I conquered the grill. All I have to say is those burgers better taste pretty darn good otherwise that grill's gonna learn how to fly.

I May Not Be A Perfect Mom but I'm THE Perfect Mom For My Kids

I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I've blogged! I've been on an up and down hill journey. I've had really good days where I feel like a supermom but also an even amount of bad days where I feel like a failure. I had started this blog so I could write the good, the bad and the ugly of my life as a struggling supermom wannabe but along the way got lost and have only written the funny things. I've decided to write the struggles too because someone out there needs to hear that I fall short of the "supermom" everyday. So, here it is. Today I had four cookies when I should have stopped at one. I read my magazine instead of vacuuming my floor. And I've let my nice clean kitchen go back to be piled with dirty dishes. I haven't brushed my hair (it's 8:30 PM) and I told my kids to play outside because they were bugging me. However, I did do school with my daughter, played with my baby, and read at least 6 stories at the pleading of my children (when all I wanted to do was read MY book).
I've been struggling with feeling overwhelmed lately. I mean really struggling. I would look around my house and want to cry. Every room seemed cluttered and messy. I'd feel utterly hopeless. But little by little, I've gotten the main living areas livable! I actually want to stay home instead of trying to find things to do to be away from the mess. Little by little I'm learning to do the things I can but to accept that I have a baby and I homeschool, my house will be disorganized and my dishes undone. I need to concentrate on loving my kids every moment I can.
On Mother's Day at church, someone got up and shared this word. "You may not be A perfect mother, but you are THE perfect mother for your kids." He said that the devil likes to twist one word to make this mean something totally different. I cried, it touched me so much. I spend so much time trying to be A perfect mother that I've forgotten that God made me THE perfect mother for my kids. So all you moms out there please remember- You don't have to be a perfect mother. God already made you the perfect mother for your kids.

I'm A Magician

I've come to realize that I am a magician. I have one trick that I can do fantastically. Sometimes I still amaze myself when I do it. It takes talent too and lots and lots of practice. Wanna know what my super duper amazing trick is? I can make things disappear just by thinking about them! I swear. No abracadabra, no magic wand. I simply think of the thing that I need...er, want to make disappear and poof, it's gone! And usually it's VERY gone. I'll even try looking for it, in all the places it's suppose to be, anywhere I might have seen it or set it down. Anywhere the kids might have taken it, everywhere it shouldn't be but noooooo. It is gone. Now you might think, Wow this should work in my favor sometimes. I could just think about the kids and bam, they'd be gone, peace and quiet. But no. Actually quite the opposite happens with my kids. Anytime I think about my kids, one suddenly appears attatched to my leg, the another whining right in front of me and the third one mysteriously wakes up from her nap, as if...she knows. Although, I'm sure that in just a few short years whenever I need help I will magically make everyone disappear and have to do everything by myself! So what does one do with such an annoying..I mean awesome trick? Stop thinking. Hey, it works for me :)

"Daddy Killed A Frog Today"

This was so funny, I had to blog it. Today I went to a b-day party for one of my friends. Andy was awesome enough to watch all 3 kids. He just took the time to get some stuff done around the house. One of those things was our mailbox post. It's been majorly wiggly since we moved in. He dug out the post and set it in concrete. In the process Andy found a hibernating frog. He dug it up and it jumped around a little without showing too much energy. He thought it was just waking up. So a few hours later I come home and they were telling me about this frog so we decided to go out and see how it was doing. Well it died. Andy had accidentally clipped it with the shovel and it died. Andy got to it before the kids and one of our friends distracted the kids while Andy buried it. Now, I am not one to shield my kids from death. I don't want them to think it's scary or bad so I told Andy we should just tell them what happened. So he did. I told them the frog was in heaven and it was okay that he died. The kids just kinda thought it was funny that he was in heaven and away we went on with our day. Fast forward a few hours later. Terhan is sitting on the couch telling a story. He had found a song sheet of Andy's and was pretending that it was a story of all the things he had done today. And guess what the beginning of the story was? "Today, Daddy killed a frog." I laughed and laughed! He didn't say it sad just very matter-of-factly. Kids, they are sooooo funny!