So I have been thinking about all the things you gain and all the things you lose once you become a mother. The gains are obvious. You gain kids and the joy that comes with them. You gain 10-20 pounds that never goes away. I think it's called the "mommy figure", it's curvy in all the wrong places. You gain a lot more stuff, like cribs, toddler beds, extra laundry, training wheels, strollers, bouncy seats, potty seats, more pee on the bathroom floor, carseats, toys, peanut butter and jelly for every meal, and all the colds your kid brings home and you catch. However I think it's the things we lose that are more substantial. We lose all our free time because now we have more mouths to feed, diapers to change, messes to clean up. We lose our hair. We literally lose our hair after each and every baby leading us to think that we will bald way before our husbands. We also lose our hair because at least once a day we want to pull it out from frustation. But the thing I think I miss the most, is my sanity. You know the old saying, of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most? Yeah, a mom wrote that. I'm sure of it. I can imagine her standing in the middle of her living room, holding a screaming baby, two kids running circles around her, loads of laundry piled on the couch, toys hanging from the celiing fan (or wait...is that a kid?!), phone ringing, and last of all a pet throwing up on the carpet. Of course if you think of all the things us moms have rattling around in our heads, it's a wonder we remember our own names (I have, however, forgotten the date of my birth and my phone number before!). I find myself walking upstairs for the fourth time and on the way up forget why I've gone up only to remember at the bottom, then forget on the way up again. I do however get lots of exercise this way. I find myself taking a piece of tupperware out of the shelf, putting the leftovers in it, then putting back in the tupperware shelf instead of the fridge. I can't even count the times I've been talking to my husband only to find him staring at me and realizing that I trailed off in the middle of a sentence and went into a trance, then of course can't remember what I was even saying. A mom friend of mine discovered hours after she took a shower that instead of shaving both legs, she shaved the same one twice. At least she has time to shave. I get a shower maybe 3 times a week (fine, I admit it. It's more like twice a week). There have been a few times when my husband will hug me when he comes home then ask me when I last took a shower. Now that's bad! I think though the most frustrating thing about losing your mind is you're so painfully aware of the fact that it's gone and the only way it will ever come back is to get rid of your kids. That happens when they're all 18 and go to college. So for at least 18 years (way longer for moms who have more than one) we walk around, very aware of the fact that we are wearing two different shoes (because a kid hid one shoe to every pair), the same shirt as yesterday (who has time to change everyday?), our hair pulled back in a ponytail (out of reach of graby little hands), and a huge diaper bag that we could probably smuggle a body in (who knows when you might need that pipe wrench or month old ham sandwich). As sad (or hilarious) as this picture is, if you ever see one of us walking out of the bathroom with toilet paper on our shoe, let us know. The last little thread of our sanity (and dignity) will thank you.
